Couch Surfing While Female

On the boundaries of what’s appropriate between male hosts and female guests

Photo by rawpixel/Unsplash

At what point does an innocent obliviousness to social norms give way to inappropriate conduct? When do many small transgressions set against a backdrop of kindness necessitate speaking out, and when would that seem petty, entitled, ungrateful, uptight? These are the questions I found myself asking during my stay with Daniel (name changed for privacy) in Eilat, Israel.

For the record, I’ve had exactly 47 couch-surfing experiences. I’ve hosted 29 people, surfed with 12, and arranged to meet up with six people. In case you’re not familiar with couch surfing, it means that after reading the profiles of strangers living in whichever locality you’ll be visiting, you send them “couch requests” asking for accommodation (for free). The main point is meant to be cultural exchange; the free accommodation is a nice bonus. (And here’s a very heartwarming couchsurfing story for context on how lovely it can be.) As couch surfing grows in popularity, though, the quality of its new members decreases.

I’ve been at this since 2009, way before couch surfing became a for-profit company and exploded into the mainstream of the sharing economy. I’ve had experiences both remarkable and unremarkable: bonded like moths to a flame with some; found…