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How to Build Trust with Anyone
Love maps: the most underrated social hack
A long time ago on an airplane, an attractive long-haired older stranger suggested a book to me: The Education of Little Tree. It was a whimsical, poignant story about the life of a Native American kid. I must have been about 11 or 12 years old when I read it, but one theme has stuck with me through the ripe old age of 31:
Love and understanding are the same thing.
The more you understand someone, the book said, the more you can love them. You cannot love without understanding. Understanding is the very fabric, the substance of love.
Eminent relationship psychology John Gottman has a more scientific way of expressing this theory. Through his many years of painstaking research, he developed a seven-principle system for fortifying marriages. However, the first three principles are applicable to all human relationships, not just couples…And the very first principle sounds a heck of a lot like the principle laid out in this book about Native Americans.
Love Maps
A love map is essentially a mental schematic of everything you know about a person: their likes and dislikes, that little expression that flickers across their face when they’re confused but don’t want to admit it, their values…
