To Be Liked, Like People
The Reciprocity Effect and how to use it to build relationships
Earlier today, I was thinking of this guy I went to high school with. His name was Alejandro Jimenez, and everyone liked him. All the girls had crushes on him, and the guys loved being in his presence, too.
I went to a nerd school for math and science geeks, and the smartest kids were generally the most popular. But Alejandro wasn’t at the top of the class, and he also wasn’t muscular or tall or hunky in a traditional way. He was short and scrawny and had unkempt, bushy curls. But, whenever you were in his presence, you felt like a million bucks.
Alejandro was effusively smiley. His smile was loving and sincere and full of kindness. He made it clear to whomever he was talking to that he was truly happy to be there, connecting with them…and as a consequence, everyone didn’t just like him, they LOVED him.
The Reciprocity Effect
There’s actually a name for this principle. Interpersonal communication expert Vanessa Van Edwards explains in her book Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People that a study of social skills in high schoolers in California revealed that the #1 predictor of likability was not how attractive, confident, or popular someone was, but how much they liked…
